Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
