I want to make a zoo with you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
