The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
