I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
