i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I think I won the penis lottery.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
