He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
