I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
