Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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