If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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