This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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