she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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