I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
