Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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