Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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