I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
