If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
