No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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