do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
