I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
