Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
