NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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