It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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