WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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