My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
