Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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