You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
