Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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