what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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