I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
