he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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