Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
