I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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