he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
