Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize