In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
