4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
