the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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