Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's the barista slut.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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