I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
