I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
