Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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