I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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