I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
