God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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