I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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