I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
