Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
