sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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