Can i not drive my cunt home
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize