do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
