i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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