So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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