Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize