listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
