Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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