It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
