That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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