My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
