it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
