do herpes really smell.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
