There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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