my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
