I think my vagina is haunted
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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