im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
