Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
