She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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