If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
