This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
