There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
