She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
