i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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