Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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