dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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