Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
barbara walters just said penis...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
