So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
