I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize