operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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