Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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