i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
