yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
