Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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