you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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