It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
