I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize