Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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