I think my vagina is haunted
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
