Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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