Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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