i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
