Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
